haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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