I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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