Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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