I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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