I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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