So drunk its hurt
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
