I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
