I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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