I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
