I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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