Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
