so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he thought i was a dude.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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