I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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