I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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