you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
