How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
