Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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