I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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