either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
