so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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