I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
