Christians are straight up FREAKS
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
