He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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