he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
