I have demons in me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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