I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
