she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
