I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize