hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
