puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
