did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
