How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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