i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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