Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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