Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize