you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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