If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
