Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I stole a fireplace last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
