also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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