Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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