oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
