I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
