So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
