My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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