You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is wine microwaveable?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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