If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
