I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
