She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Two words: nipple clamps
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