We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
