I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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