I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're like the curious george of whores
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
