I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
