we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
