I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
