i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
