u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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