Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
