I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
