Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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