do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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