please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
