Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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