Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
