I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
