we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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