i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
