omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
