do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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