I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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