how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
