its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
