Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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