Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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