so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
