you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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