I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
